Holiness

Where is holiness in the midst of war?

There's a keen sense of it when King David went to war.

There's the undeniable notion every time the Israelites went to battle.

Where is that now?

Particularly within myself.

There's this battle I have to fight. A war.

To be honest, I have to fight two wars.

There's this physical war, the one in Iraq I'll soon be part of.

I have to be physically and mentally prepared for it and know my role as a solider.

I feel like this is the easiest of the wars.

I'm almost certain any other soldier would disagree with that, but most don't see the world as I do.

Then there's this spiritual battle.

I think this is the hardest war of all.

I fight with all that is within me to be holy and be of God, but the battle never lulls.

It never ends.

Sometimes I become fatigued. I become weak. I give in.

Sometimes I need just mere moment of silence in His presence. A chance to regroup and ask the ultimate Commander what move I should make next.

I'm a full time soldier in a war that has already been won but will not end until death. But until that death, how do I find true holiness and purity? These battles are so brutal. They draw blood. They rip souls from our bodies. They're heated, passionate, and unrelenting. What do I do with that? Is there even a purity there? I think there is. I think there is a beauty to these wars. A beauty only few every really know. A beauty that will require much self sacrifice to know.

Oh, Adonai, how much of myself am I truly willing to give for Your holiness that I seek?

Will it be enough to carry me through the desert, like with Abraham or Jesus?

In You my weakness is made strong.

I need an unmoving strength.

I need holiness.

Be a light for my feet, guide my hands, steer my soul.

I need You to fight with me and, at times, for me.

I need You, Yahweh.

In my human frailty, I love You.