My Redemption

I am marched through the town, up to Skull Place. On my back and shoulders I struggle to carry a large piece of wood. I am being punished for the mistakes I have made. All my years of running from my sin and shame have finally caught up with me.

I am so downtrodden in spirit and beaten in body that I do not have an ounce of energy to spare for fear of what is about to happen. I am about to be crucified along with countless others. We are marching to our ultimate end. There is no hope for us now. No one can save us. How could they? Why should they? We deserve this. This is our doing. My doing.

I stumble my way up to Golgotha with the others. The Roman soldiers place me along the road side with my cross. I will be a mockery for days to come. My death with be the joy of many. This is just now setting in. The Romans prepare my cross. They roughly throw me upon it, and tie me to it to ensure I do not try to escape. Then, they place the nails where they are to hold my dying body until my life is exhausted. Just as I realize I am about to die and the pain and shame I am about to endure in two seconds, a Man runs my way. The soldiers take their gazes from me and fix them upon this Man.

He summons the soldiers. Unbelievably, they go to Him. He speaks to them. I lie there, unable to leave because of the ropes securing me, half wanting to be as dead outside as I am inside, half wanting to be far away from here and alive. I look back toward the Man and soldiers. They are nodding their heads to Him.
He then leaves them and walks toward me.

Is He going to kill me? Why? Who is He? What is going on?

The Man comes up to my cross, kneels beside me, and begins to undo the knotted ropes. I stare at Him, not believing what is happening. In fact, I don't know what is happening. I'm completely dumbfounded. He goes around to all the ropes, untying each, all the while He has His eyes on me. These eyes aren't condemning. They're... loving? Yes, loving, compassionate, hopeful, alive, but there's also a hint of deep sadness.

After untying me, He gently scoops me up and puts me down near the crowd. He kisses my forehead, looks me deep in the eyes, and says, "You are forgiven in Me. I love you." I look up into His eyes, confused. What does that mean? How can I be forgiven after all I have done? The Man doesn't give me time to ask.

The next thing I know, the Man has turned from me and walked to my cross. To my bewilderment, He nods to the Roman soldiers, apparently indicating He is ready. They see no need to tie Him down, He won't leave. I finally see what is going on - He is going to take my place there. I begin to cry for the first time in all of this:

No! You can't! You have done nothing wrong! That is MY cross, my shame, my punishment. What are You doing?!

It does no good. It is too late. They nail Him and the blood pours forth from Him. The pick up His, no My, cross, and set it vertical. The whole time, He looks down at me, with a smile. Is this Man's blood on my hands now too? This is too much. I crumble where I stand and weep. I keep looking up at Him, crying. He speaks to my heart and says, "Your sorrow will turn to joy. I will see you again. Your heart will rejoice. You will find newness in Me." I don't know what He means. He is dying. How could I ever see Him again? He tells me to quiet my tears and wait for Him.

My agonized soul weighs so heavily that I cannot stand back up. I can only look up at this Man who just willingly took my place. I watched Him breathe is His last breath. My insides felt as though they might explode. I just let Him die for me. No, not let. I didn't let Him, He just... did it. For me.

Three days pass, my anguish never lessening, when I see this Man again. He promised He'd come back for me, and here He is before me. He comes part of the way to Me. He holds out His hand for me to come to Him and take it. Something within me protests, but I go anyway. As soon as I reach Him, He pulls me into His arms, kisses my forehead again, and looks down at me with those soul-reaching eyes. In this instant, all my fears, doubts, and questions are quieted. He has forgiven me and loves me wholly. He says to me, "I love you. You will be with Me in paradise, my Beloved."

He took my place. He loved me that much. But He didn't just die for me, He came back for me. Not just for me, but for a dying world.

"For God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." John 3:16