Bright Lightening from Dark Storms

I remember the first time I truly recognized right from wrong. I was 7-years-old in 2nd grade. I lied to a little boy. Of course, by 7 I knew right and wrong, but it was that day I lied to him it sunk in: I am capable of making mistakes and, even though I was never called out on it, those mistakes have consequences. Ever since that day, I've kept a record of my own wrongs. I know every mistake, everything my finite memory will allow me to recall. It's like a weight that sits not only on the back of my mind but wholly on my heart.

Lately this has kept me from Yahweh. I KNOW He has to know everything I've done too. But now I'm not a 7-year-old girl lying about something inconsequential. Now I'm an adult and I harbor hatred that kills souls; I hold on dearly to unforgiveness; I refuse grace to those who no more deserve it than I do, though I have it; I walk with double standards. That's not even the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my blackened heart and the things I justify. And it's not even just about being a Christian and the "guilt thing" so many attribute to the faith. Long before I was ever a Christian, I felt the weight of my mistakes and I felt the pride that comes with wanting to look good in everyone's eyes regardless of my own faults.

More than knowing God knows all about me, I know that He is not only a God of love, but of purity and holiness. All I can think when I even consider approaching Him is "How could I dare go to the Creator of everything when such darkness and unholiness constantly wash over me?" It's not so much that I want to be out of darkness solely because it is what He asks of me, but rather, I want to see light and see His face. I WANT to be where He is, but why would He let me?

I talked this over a bit with a close friend the other day. It was pointed out that perhaps my perception of God is skewed. He's not just a God who leaves us out in the cold when we mess up; He doesn't just see us as our mistakes; He doesn't just want to punish us. He wants us to come to Him. He wants to hear of what we've done, not to gloat or point out we'll never be good enough, but so we can see the extent of His forgiveness. He's not JUST a God of love, holiness, and purity, but also a God of mercy, forgiveness, grace, and compassion.

It was also pointed out that the Prince of Darkness tells these lies. It's like when Jesus was tempted in the desert. Satan takes things out of context, leaving just enough truth to be convincing. Christ had a bigger voice speaking to Him though to point out these half truths. It's the same voice I need to be listening for.

I was created to love and be loved by the Creator of the Universe. It's so easy to forget that. He doesn't have to keep a record of our wrongs. He sent Christ to spill His blood so these mistakes can be covered. He sent Jesus to take my place so that I may come to Him in my sin, weakness, and with humility to seek His face and see Light. There's more to me, to us, than our shortcomings. There's hope, forgiveness, and redemption. We just have to choose to come to Him.

As the father in Luke 15:11-32 rejoices when his lost son returns home and doesn't think twice about accepting him or throwing his sins in his face, so too does God rejoice when we return to Him, regardless of where we've been and what we've done.