I love you. I miss you.

It crushed me when I found out about you while I was deployed.
It hurt me when I found out you were going away for a long time.
But it nearly breaks me to know I almost lost you that day over this past Christmas break.
I love you, you moron.
You're my big brother. You've always been like a father to me because of our huge age difference.
It's like finding out you nearly lost a parent.
Something in me is so deeply saddened.
I can feel your heart breaking.
I break because you break.
I love you, Brother. I always will.
Please never leave me on purpose. Please never try to again.
I honestly need you in my life.
There isn't a day that goes by that you don't cross my mind.
I wish I could talk to you. Ask you how to fix things in my life. Seek your guidance.
I'd even settle for one of your big towering hugs.
I just miss you.
I love you, Brother.

Clinical Day 1: Humbled

Today was my first day of nursing clinicals. I tried not to go in with too many expectations or preconceived notions; I felt like that would make it more intimidating. Needless to say, interacting with patients on a floor is a whole other ball game from dealing with them in the back of the ambulance. To say the least, it was humbling. I had one assigned patient, but was able to help with others as well. I suppose what I learned today was:

1. I will never know everything. 
2. I don't know enough yet.
3. I truly do want to meet the patient's needs.
4. I want to make every patient's life easier for them while I'm a part of it.
5. Some patients really are just lonely.

There were a few patient's on our assigned floor that knew they were dying. The look on their faces despite their upbeat attitude... man, there's not really anything you can say about that. I really wish that hugging some of the patients were enough to make them feel better and be healed. 

I was really worried that maybe I wouldn't like being on the floors after the rush of EMS work, that maybe I wasn't really cut out for it; however, after today, I feel like perhaps I'm heading down a road that I can eventually be really good at and bring a lot of help to people everywhere. 

If you're the praying sort, pray with me that I learn what I need to each semester to help patients the most, that I am a light to those that I am allowed to meet and interact with, and that I stay humbled and never think I know more than I do. Above all, pray for those to whom I will be a student nurse, that they will find comfort and relief.