Veteran's Day Dedication

I remember stories of you when I was a young child.

I remember listening about you in amazement because you were so brave. You were my big older cousin in the army.

I remember the times we talked about me maybe one day joining (I did, of course).

I remember the times you visited, when you could get away from post long enough to come home. You always had stories for me about what I deemed to be "adventures of RD."

I remember you coming to our house with your parents and sister and what great times we had there.

I remember learning about the day you married Nikki (who I'm quite thankful for, by the way).

I remember Trey being born. He looks like you, you know.

I remember your daughter being born. She's so precious.

I remember, too, the day I found out about your death nearly a year ago. I was sitting in my office at work and my family called me. I couldn't even cry. It seemed so surreal because, even at 20, it seemed crazy for me to think someone so young and brave and loving could no longer be on this earth. My heart broke for your family.

I remember not being able to come say goodbye.

For most of this past year, I haven't even been able to look at an E-7 without feeling a twinge a sadness and mourning.

But someone said something today that made me realize, it's all right to remember. It's all right to hurt. But with that, it's also all right to remember who you were and how loving and brave you always were to me. I'm thankful for your presence in my life. I'm thankful for the family you have still here. I'm thankful for the commitment you made to our country.

Cousin, today is your day. It is a day to remember your achievements and sacrifices and the good life that you lived.

You're missed. You're loved. And I pray you are at peace.

R.I.P D and happy Veteran's day, champ

SFC R.D. Lightfoot 9 March 1975 - 8 December 2010

Sights of Inner Turmoil

I saw you the other day, at that briefing all of the base has to have. I saw you walk in and my heart stopped. My breath felt as though it'd been knocked out of me. I felt myself begin to tremble. I thought to myself, "There's the man who no longer loves me, who no longer wants any part in my life. There's the one abandoned me without cause."

I quickly turned around. I hoped you wouldn't notice me. Did you? And yet, at the same time I secretly hoped you would realize that the only female sitting on our side of the room was in fact me.

I stayed turned around as the boring brief commenced, but the whole time all I could think about was how much I wanted to go to you and talk. How much I wanted to hug you and feel your warm, strong arms embrace me too. I ignored the urge and when the brief was over, I stole one more glance back. Everyone in your unit had gotten up and headed out, but there you were, over in a corner talking with an NCO. I just stared at you as long as I dared to.

I forced myself to turn back around and look away. I turned one final time, just in time to watch you walk away without a thought, just like you did with us.

I miss you in my life.

Melting

I sat, frustrated, in the warm room with beige colored walls attempting to update the database of a system used for my job. The first update failed and, out of my building pent up frustration, I let a slew of profanity escape past my lips. I restarted the annoying device and as I waited for it reboot back up, God made Himself known.

"Why are you afraid, Dear Child? Why do you keep Me from your heart? Why, My Beloved, do you not love me with all your heart?"

I didn't even bother pretending not to know what He meant. I let my frustration out, "That's my problem: You. Your love. How to love. How /I/ love You? I'm unworthy, impure, foul, and unloveable! And I just don't know how to love you with all of me!"

A coolness passed through the warm room. I breathed it in and felt suddenly lighter. "Precious One, you put so much guilt in between our relationship. Give Me your burdens, sins, and shame. Give it to Me and let Me, in My Holiness, teach you what it is to love Me. I love YOU, My Beloved. I traded my Son's spotless life for yours, so we can share in My love as one. Come, be My Bride. Be My Princess."

Somehow this changes things. I can't explain how, but something once ensnaring my heart in a poisonous ice has begun to melt away. My Creator is mending my brokenness. I won't always be in pieces. He's the Light that won't crush me.