Heaven's Wager Inspired

I've often wondered why friends and loved ones had to die. Why would I be allowed to get close to them and know them only for them to leave me? Not really making it about me, but just trying to understand the loss I felt. I never understood, so I stayed hurting for them and myself. I know we are not originally intended to die, but sin has left our physical bodies with no other choice. So then I turned to God. "God, how could you take this person from me? I needed them in my life." But the more I thought of my pleas for understanding and comfort, the more I saw a few things.

First, the children and ones truly in love with Christ and God, they are so much better off, that it would beyond selfish to wish them back to a place such as this. They've fought the good fight and are now dancing at the feet of the Father. They don't have to suffer any more kinds of pain. For that, I am so thankful. This gives me comfort.

Second, regardless of their faith or lack thereof, I believe God has plans for us. I believe He is up to something grand and admirable and amazing. And I believe that His glory and love are the ultimate reason for His actions. He is beckoning His children to know and love Him of their own free will. He will not force them, but He will not stop pursuing them. If it takes someone's death to do that, so be it.

Finally, stemming from the last thing, I have to keep this phrase in the forefront of my mind, "God, what are you up to now?" If God has plans for us and all things work together for the good of those who love Him, then this is all one large story and we each get a role in it. We are all main characters who don't quite know the entire plot. We catch glimpses but since we didn't write our story, we aren't entirely sure what it entails. Horrible things happen to us, terrible things. People die. People go to war. People are raped. People are addicts. Horrible things go on in this world, but God is the Eternal Author. He doesn't like evil, but He will use this, use us, to bring glory for those who love Him.

None of this takes away the pain of the horrid things that happen, but it gives me insight. God knows better than me. He knows the bigger story. He knows the grand plans. He knows everything. My pain and lack of understanding don't make God evil and it doesn't mean He doesn't exist or care. We are so foolish to think we have the ability to figure this life and God out. We can't. God is love. And I have to hold on to the Truth that my Father would never do anything outside of the name of Love.

Yahweh, I don't know what you are up to in my part of the story right now. I have no clue. I just know I need some comfort as the story plays out. I need wisdom and guidance. I'm so limited in my sights and I'm fearful of not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Sustain me through my trials and burdens. Don't let my hand go. Thank you for Your forgiveness and grace and mercy. Guide me, forgive me, love me, and use me, despite my obvious shortcomings. Even in my lack of understanding and frail humanity, I love you, Dad.